This eulogy is dedicated to our relationship: Steph & Kai (2009-2014).
It may sound morbid to some, but this could be my way of tying up the loose ends for my closure and for me to move on. But nevertheless, everyone has their own opinions.
The year 2009 was when I first met Kai, at Rebel. Not that he picked me up or anything, he was my neighbour's friend. We hung out over supper, text-ed like we were 16, went for a few dinners, and fell in love. I must say, it was (almost) love at first sight, although I had my reservations, but still we quickly did fall in love. And within less than 2 months of dating, I decided to apply to UNSW to further pursue my studies upon graduating. Like seriously right, which girl in the right mind would want to fly away and be away from your family and your bf! And it was him whom helped me to write my appeal letter to get a letter of offer for a Masters instead of a Diploma. Hence I was very determine to do well in my last semester and for my Masters. I scored an average of Distinction grades in UNSW with his some what emotional support.
Despite staying apart, and already knowing his unromantic ways, he did surprised me in many unexpected ways; soon after I left for Sydney, he decided to come visit me after a month. We kept in touch mainly through SMS because there wasn't such thing as Whatsapp then, and I didn't have a iPhone either. I would carry my aussie line and sg line to school everyday. We made a deal that I would text him every time I reach school and reach home. (just in case I get kidnapped. haha!) I stayed up every night to skpye with him, with the 2 hrs and 3 hrs difference! When he was posted to policy office, he had to work late (or so I hope and believed he was working late), so I stayed up till 3am (auusie time) just to see him for a mere 5 mins before he would say his infamous words " ok la... I wanna go and sleep already". Sometime it does pisses me off, but I just wanted to see his face and hear his voice just before I sleep. So my life was like that for 1.5 years.
It was tough, but I could see he did put in effort to come visit me, like extending his Sydney work trip to spend a couple of days with me over the weekends, and getting me an extra access card to stay over at his room. I remember studying in his room while he is out at work. And the stupid rash decision trip that I die die wanted to go learn how to snowboard, and I booked a room with my classmate and he didn't want me to go alone with a guy, so he bought an air ticket to fly over.
Many couples have that honey moon year of being lovey dovey. Well, I didn't. But all those small little things he did, were good enough to make up for the lost of time.
Often many couples do not survive a Long Distance Relationship, well for me, I wish I could say I did. But now, I can't.
So 1.5 years flew by just like that, I came back with my Masters, it was time to head out to the working force. That was the year 2011. It was almost 2 years into our relationship. Everything was going well, we both exceeded our longest relationship, ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCK! Until I found out what I didn't ever want to find out. But fate has a funny way of playing with us. So I just needed to know. It was hurtful, painful, and unbelievable. I should had walked away, but I didn't. Love rules, I forgave him some how, with the help of the many week after week after weeks of parties and drinks. But never once was I ever drunk, strangely. So I literally wasted myself for 1 year, had the fun, but never could I bring myself to do anything to hurt him. It wasn't the first neither the last. So as they say, a leopard never changes it's spots right? It was a tiring year, we nearly gave up, but somehow we strive on, maybe because we knew he was going to Msia the following year. So things got a little better towards the end of the year.
2012, he packed up and left for KL. Again we were tested with a Long Distance Relationship. Just that it's 3.5hrs away (with his standard of driving....). Almost every month I would jet set to KL to meet him. It lasted for about half a year. We were into our third year then..... then I quit my job with his support, and packed up and moved to KL to spend time with him to make up for our lost time. Well, it was also a test of time if we could actually live harmoniously together.
I would sleep late at night because I was busy mugging, and every morning I would be awaken by his 345475 alarms ringing, and I would have to ensure he wakes up. He would wash up, eat his cereal while I would continue to snooze in bed, and he would come back to the room to give me a peck and head off to school, yes it was that sweet, felt like we were practically husband and wife. And then came D3! He went to custom make a computer just for it, and when there was the launch of D3, it was like almost Its-The-End. HAHA! Because I ceased to exist. I would constantly nag him to go and sleep but he would be glued to his computer, everything was about D3, but nahhh it didn't affect us. Couldn't be bothered with it, as long as he is playing D3, it means he isn't outside frolicking with other girls right? Only this one time which is quite funny, he decided to play D3 and watch soccer outside in the living room, and I went back to the room to sleep, and guess what, he didn't set his alarm, and I didn't know he didn't set his alarm, so I woke up to find him not in bed but outside sleeping in the living room. Well that was funny.
So I kinda wasted half a year in KL with him, but I felt it was necessary to get to know him and us better.
We returned back in 2013, I idled for almost closed to a year. It was tough, he was supportive on my career choices. Often people would pass comments saying things like "aiyah, your bf is a xxxxx, you don't need to work lah, can be a tai tai." But deep down inside me, after spending half a year in KL, I didn't want to become a tai tai. I needed to work! I love earning my own money. I love the feeling that I could buy this and that with my own money ( I know, I sound crazy,but yes it's true!) The only good thing was that I didn't need to feel the pressure of having to bring home the money to feed the family. Which meant I could pursue what I want, put my heart and soul into it. And I finally found my calling. Everything was going on pretty smoothly in 2013, just a few hiccups here and there, he even asked me to help out in his bro's wedding to find out some stuffs, I met his whole family at his bro's wedding. So I thought we were on the right track. And for the first time, he initiated for us to go on a trip together without me needing to suggest or worse still, BEG, sucks to be me right? He even went to check out the ring at the airport himself, so who wouldn't think we weren't on the right track, unless I was delusional. However, somehow during the trip I felt it was going to be our last. Strangely, but true, it was our last trip.
The year 2014, before we could even celebrate our 5th Anniversary, it was through one small(big) Whatsapp conversation, everything blew up. It could had been a piled up of events and stuffs; expectations and questioning from peers, friends and families, a dying relationship, commitment, thoughts planted in his head, I'm just not good enough, etc.... I don't know. I would never know, because I could never figure out what it was. You know, when someone wants an out, everything and anything becomes a reason even if it doesn't even make sense at all. So it just abruptly ended just like that; I don't even remember the date we(the relationship) died. All I remember was his back, walking away....and everything ceased to exist.
5 years. It wasn't enough to hold it together.
But all I want to say, thank you for the 5 years. It is time to close the chapter of Steph & Kai.
This would be my last post here, this blog was dedicated to Steph & Kai, in hope that during our relationship, whenever we had any doubts of us, we could read it to reminisce and relive the past.
Goodbye.
Steph & Kai
19th February 2009 - January 2014
