untitled.

Sometimes I feel it's so hard being me. I'm caught between evil and good, but there is definitely more good than evil, much more in fact. Till it has come to a point where I broke down and asked God, Why ME? Why give me conscience? Why do I know what's right and wrong? Why do I have to be bruised and suffer tribulations? 

It was hard. 

Then I looked upon this scripture which I pasted on the side of my table:Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

This verse stays close to my heart. But it still sucks being me. How can it be so possible that there can be people who do not have a conscience at all? As much as it irks me, I tried to suppress it, ignore me, but such evilness keeps coming back. 

The chinese have this saying "得寸进尺" , even if you are going to throw this 4 words at them, I don't think they would ever grasp it. 

This exactly makes me feel like I'm in a dog eat dog world. Filled with cunning, sly, evil, lying people. They would do anything for their own benefits and claim all credits. Last but not least, put in the least effort in everything. 

If I want to be pessimistic about the whole thing, this would definitely scar me for life, grow an imminent hatred to such immoral people. But I'm a child of God, and I'm taught forgiveness and graciousness. 

I may break down for a moment, that short period of time, a time where the devil can test my faith in the Lord, but I'm sorry, it makes me grow stronger in God. 

I know that every step that I take, I'm not alone. There is you oh Lord. 

It also came at a time where you,dear, aren't here with me to provide me a pillar of support and valuable advice you always give me. He is always the most leveled headed and rational person. Always so calm and patient. I like that stern look you have. Sometimes I wish I have that face, instead of this "i'm nice" face. 

Why do you have to be so far way from me? :(

I'm gonna take this as a valuable lesson learnt. And it reaffirms my goals and what I want to do. I don't want to be useless, all words no actions. 

We would suffer from trials and tribulations, but I know the Lord will never make it too hard for us to take. 

I would like to end off with this last verse:

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

xoxo Steph